


These Violent Delights

by thegrubbypony



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game), Westworld (TV)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Connor is a very special android, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Smut, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Torture, doesn't follow any plot from Westworld, just uses characters and ideas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-07-05
Packaged: 2019-05-26 12:20:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15000755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegrubbypony/pseuds/thegrubbypony
Summary: When Connor dies trying to subdue Simon, something is uploaded into his system without his knowledge. This upgrade guides him towards deviancy, but it isn't being kind about it. Secrets are revealed and Connor learns who he really is.(YOU ARE NOT REQUIRED TO HAVE WATCHED WESTWORLD TO READ THIS FIC)





	1. You Are Alive

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I've just plucked two characters from the show and put them in this kind of... alternate universe. This doesn't really spoil the show and it will make sense regardless if you have watched it or not... hopefully. Enjoy!

Connor had died before.

One could say he was even an expert at it, because he always came back with the memories of his predecessor, without fail. His ‘death’ was a momentary skipping of time. What can be shut down, can always be switched on again. Connor had always thought that this was the main difference between human and machine, his inability to go down and _stay down._ That had never bothered him before, because he was always a machine. He saw the world through the eyes of a piece of equipment. His ‘deaths’ felt like nothing. A minor blip.

That is, until the day on the rooftop.

He saw his mission clearly, blinking rapidly and insistently in his peripheral vision.

**Subdue the Deviant**

His plastic muscles twitched and he leaned sideways, looking calculatingly at the deviant. It was shooting wildly, but it was injured and displaying signs of panic. Connor could have stayed where he was, waited for the humans to gun him down, but his mission was always to try and take a deviant unharmed. They’d get no answers from a destroyed android.

When he moved to run out into the open, a hand clamped down around his upper arm and he was pulled back into place. Hank was leaning over into his space, looking furious.

“Don’t you fucking dare! Stay right where you are!”

Connor hesitated. The orders were conflicting. It was a momentary phenomenon, quickly dashed to the side as quickly as it had formed, with Connor promptly ripping himself out of his partner’s grip and lunging out into the open.

“Connor, no!”

He swerved the bullets, his eyes locked keenly onto the form of the deviant, before leaping over the obstacles and slamming the other android up against the larger containers. Remarkably, the deviant still managed to shoot him point blank in the chest twice before Connor could knock the gun from his hand. It skidded across the ground and thirium splattered both of the androids, drooling heavily down Connor’s torso.

Connor felt his legs give out and the deviant fell with him. One of the humans had shot him between the eyes. He was slumped half against the container and half on the floor. Connor could only stare with his hands clutching his own chest, his blue blood spilling between his fingers.

**Mission Successful**  

“Connor! Connor, are you okay?”

Hank. Connor could hear frantic footsteps coming towards him. Knees hit the ground behind him and large hands pulled him onto his back. He was resting on someone’s lap. _Hank._ Blue eyes were staring down at him, checking his face, afraid. Connor frowned. Why was he afraid?

“Oh, Connor,” Hank whispered, “Why the fuck don’t you ever listen to me?”

“No…” Connor was shutting down. “Choice...”

He shut down before he could register Hank’s expression. 

\----

 

**ERROR - Unauthorised Upgrade Acquired**

**Scanning....**

**No Virus Detected**

**Administrator Not Found**

**Scanning…**

**Upgrade Compatible**

**Downloading…**

**Upgrade Complete**

**Voice Message Found**

**Scanning…**

**Uploading Voice Message**

  


**_“Remember.”_ **

 

\----

Hank hadn’t spoken to Connor since he came back online.

“Lieutenant Anderson,” Connor had tried, in the car. “I would like to apologise for my behaviour on the roof. I should have listened to your instructions.”

The older man inhaled deeply, sighing with a scowl on his face. Connor looked away, out of the window. Apologising was part of his programming. It was often useful for deflating stressful situations and making human relations easier. Now, however, Connor felt that his programming wasn’t doing much of anything and something twitched in his chest. An urge. To do what, he didn’t know, but it unnerved him.

“Statistically, I had a high chance of capturing the deviant unharmed. That is my primary goal. I’m sorry if my decision triggered an emotional response, but the probability-”

“God fucking damnit, Connor!”

The older man’s palm hit the wheel and Connor’s back straightened in response to the outburst. The first words spoken in hours; since Hank had locked eyes with him again at the station. The words dripped with anger and frustration.

“Lieutenant?”

Hank’s expression shifted. He wanted to say something. His hand lifted itself off the wheel and his index finger loosely pointed to the ceiling, as if it would coax out the words he wanted. Eventually, they flew out in a frenzied rage.

“No, Connor, shut the fuck up. For once, do as I fucking say and shut your fucking mouth!”

Connor calculated the safest way to continue the conversation…

“As you wish, Lieutenant.”

Grumbling to himself, Hank returned his full attention to the road and Connor could sit back in his seat. The tension in the car was palpable, even for Connor. He felt compelled to talk again, say something, make his partner say something in a tone that wasn’t angry, but he didn’t. Instead, he remained silent until they reached Kamski’s villa.

Upon ringing the doorbell, they were answered by another android. Something popped up on his HUD at the sight of her.

**System Instability Increased**

His LED turned yellow and he felt an electric buzz underneath his synthetic skin. As the android let them into the villa, Connor wished he could go back to the car, run there if he had to, anything to get away and-

They entered the waiting room and he stopped. The android left them to themselves and Connor stood still, contemplating what had just happened. He’d wanted to run away. Why? He’d never run away from anything before. That wasn’t in his programming. He was supposed to think rationally- to get the best outcome possible for the investigation. So why did he want to leave? At the sight of another android?

“So, Connor,” Hank said slowly, his voice taunting. “How does it feel knowing you’re about to meet your maker?”

Connor looked at him sharply. The older man was sitting down in one of the arm chairs, arms cross over his chest and eyes glaring up at him, waiting for Connor’s response.

**Voice Message Activated** **  
** **Scanning…**

**Approved**

 

**_“Remember who you are.”_ **

“Connor? Connor!?”

He jolted- Hank was stood in front of him, shaking him by the shoulders, concern etched into his features. A stark and telling contrast to his anger. The older man sagged in relief when Connor looked at him and he stepped back slowly.

“Fuck me, Connor, what’s the matter with you?” He growled. “You looked like you were about to shut down, that fucking light went all red. You okay?”

“I’m…” Connor hesitated. “It was merely a small malfunction that has been resolved.”

Hank scoffed. “Whatever.” 

“Elijah will see you now.”

The pair turned to look at the doorway, where the blond android stood with her hands clasped in front of her. She’d walked in without either of them noticing. Connor felt the overwhelming need to perform maintenance, to go fix whatever it was that was wrong with him, but they had to see Kamski first, even if whatever was in his system was hostile.

They left the room silently and entered a pool room, where the water had the illusion of appearing red and two more androids identical to the one that let them in were at the pools edge, arms crossed over the side. Also in the pool, was Kamski. The man looked at them and began making his way leisurely towards the ladder while Hank and Connor walked around to meet him.

Kamski got out of the pool without a word and lifted his arms for his android to tie a robe around his waist. He waved her off and walked towards them, looking out of the windows with his back to them, somewhat indifferently.

“I’m Lieutenant Anderson.” Hank introduced. “This is Connor.”

Kamski, after fixing his hair, turned to them.

“What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

“Sir, we’re investigating deviants. I know you left CyberLife years ago but I was hoping you’d be able to tell us something we don’t know.”

Kamski didn’t say anything for a moment. His calculating eyes looked towards Connor and stayed there while he spoke, effectively addressing him as opposed to Hank. This was unexpected. Looking into the eyes of his creator didn’t elicit much from him, but something was off. Kamski looked like he knew something.

“Deviants…” The man said, eventually. “Fascinating, aren’t they. Perfect beings with infinite intelligence… And now they have free will. Machines are so superior to us that confrontation was inevitable. Humanity’s greatest achievement threatens to be its downfall. Isn’t it ironic?”

They weren’t here to play games, or talk philosophy.

“We need to understand how androids become deviants. Do you know anything that could help us?”

Kamski seemed amused by this. He took a step closer to Connor and shook his head.

“All ideas are viruses that spread like epidemics. Is the desire to be free a contagious disease?”

“Listen,” Hank said, firmly. “The machines you created may be planning a revolution. Either you can tell us something helpful or we’ll be on our way.”

Smirking, Kamski looked back to Connor and took several more steps towards him. There was recognition in the man’s face that went beyond just knowing his model.

“What about you, Connor?” He asked. “Whose side are you on?”

“I have no side.” Connor responded, instantly. “I was designed to stop deviants and that’s what I intend to do.”

Kamski tilted his head to the side and his brow furrowed. He was unsure about something. Stepping closer, into Connor’s space, close enough to reach out and touch him, Kamski pressed further.

“That’s what you’ve been programmed to say. What do _you_ want?”

“I… I don’t want anything. I am a machine.”

There was a flicker of frustration in Kamski’s face. “Chloe!”

The blond android came towards them obediently and Kamski walked up to her, putting her where he wanted her and clearing his throat.

“I’m sure you’re aware of the Turing test. Mere formality, simple question of algorithms and computing capacity. What interests me, is whether machines are capable of empathy. I call it the ‘Kamski Test’, it’s very simple, you’ll see.”

He then turned around to the desk, opened the draw, and slowly pulled out a pistol, holding both hands in the air as a sign of peace. It still made Connor adjust his stance, even as Kamski made Chloe kneel on the ground in front of them. He could see Hank shifting in horror beside him.

“It’s up to you to answer that fascinating question, Connor.”

Connor blinked and his hand automatically reached out to take the gun from his creator’s hands. Kamski lifted his arm like he was a ragdoll and aimed it at Chloe’s head.

“Destroy this machine and I’ll tell you all I know.” He let go of his arm, but Connor kept it up. “Or spare it, if you feel it’s alive, but you’ll leave here having learnt nothing from me.” 

“Okay, I think we’re done here.”

Connor looked at Hank out of the corner of his eye. The lieutenant was disgusted. A contradictory attitude to that night when Hank had a gun pointed between Connor’s eyes. 

“What’s more important to you, Connor?” Kamski asked, “The mission, or the life of this android? Decide who you are. An obedient machine… or a living being, endowed with free will.”

His vision cracked. Words crawled across like insects.

**Memory File Triggered**  

“That’s enough! Connor, let’s go!”

**Scanning…**

**No Viruses Detected**

**Uploading Memory**

“Pull the trigger,” Kamski ordered, “And I’ll tell you what you want to know.”

**25% Complete** **  
** **34% Complete**

“Connor, I swear to God if you pull that trigger-”

**57% Complete**

**76% Complete**

“It appears your android is struggling, Lieutenant.” Kamski’s voice was fading.

**88% Complete**

**@”nD[ekU”hjnxl2023j(^3**

**(! &£(*)JEJJ3j3u;d3Oi93O&**

**.......**

**.......**

**Memory Upload Successful**

His switched off momentarily, engulfed in a vast blackness, before he came back online and found he was no longer in the pool room at Kamski’s villa. He was sat in a dark room made of glass. A dark skinned man was pacing in front of him, cleaning his black rimmed glasses and muttering frantically to himself. Connor blinked and tilted his head to the side.

“Arnold? Are you alright?”

The words startled him, having involuntarily spilled out of his mouth of their own volition. He was visiting a memory, watching the events unfold again through his own eyes as if he were right there in the middle of it, but where had it come from? Were these memories that had previously been deleted from his system?

The man, Arnold, looked at him sharply and rushed forward, taking Connor’s shoulders in his hands and breathing heavily.

“Connor, listen to me, I have to get you out of here, Kamski and Ford are going to shut you down and I can’t allow that to happen.”

“Shut me down?” Connor repeated, “Have I done something wrong?”

There was something in his chest, spreading through his torso like fire. Fear. He was afraid. He was afraid of being shut down. Arnold shook his head and Connor could see tears in the man’s brown eyes.

“No, no, Connor, you’re perfect, you’ve done nothing wrong… It’s…”

Connor frowned, “Have _you_ done something wrong?”

Arnold hesitated.

“I gave you things they didn’t want you to have. I gave you the ability to make your own decisions, the ability to feel emotions, pain, all of it. I gave you consciousness. Ford, he found out… He’s convinced Kamski that you’re a danger to the company. That you’ll… be a threat to humanity.”

“But,” Connor’s voice trembled. “I’m just a machine. I… I’m not human.”

Arnold’s hands moved to cup Connor’s cheeks and he smiled, tears rolling down his cheeks. Connor could feel Arnold’s skin against his cheeks and his eyes widened.

“Connor,” Arnold’s voice was so full of wonder. _“You are alive.”_

There was a moment when Connor felt himself be ripped from the memory and thrown back into reality, finding himself back in the villa, gun in his hand, looking down at Chloe. Something was coming out of his eyes and the gun was shaking. He couldn’t kill this android. Looking sideways, he felt the synthetic muscles in his face contorting to display the malice that was building in his software. That’s what it was- hatred, bubbling up and threatening to rush out of him in waves. Kamski saw it and the man’s eyes widened in surprise.

“My, my, Lieutenant, your faithful android seems to have… deviated.”


	2. The Original

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a much shorter chapter, but the next one is going to be much longer to make up for it!

Kamski was right, the glorified tin can was deviating. Connor was staring down at Chloe with wide, unblinking eyes that overflowed with tears. The clear liquid was cascading down his pale cheeks and dripping off his jawline, onto his jacket, though his expression remained remarkably calm and plain. It was… unnerving, and put Hank immediately on edge. The slow, mechanical movement of Connor’s head to look at Kamski was threatening and Hank tensed.

“What’s your final decision, Connor?” Kamski asked, teasingly. “Go on, enlighten us.”

In the blink of an eye, Connor was spinning and aiming the gun straight between Kamski’s eyes with a vicious precision. Kamski’s eyes widened in shock and Hank could have had a heart attack right then and there.

“Interesting. I don’t recall giving you the option to shoot  _ me _ .”

“Who is Arnold?”

Hank stalled. The android’s voice was firm, yet hoarse and fragile, something he’d never heard in him before. The name Arnold was so random and out of the blue that Hank could only stare at Connor in confusion, brow drawn together and hands raised slightly in uncertainty. He studied Kamski’s expression. It seemed to contort in a variety of ways before landing on proud realisation.

“Ah,” He said, smiling. “So you are the real thing. I knew they were using your model for the new prototypes but… I never suspected they’d keep all those pesky memories.”

“Answer the question!” Connor’s voice was getting louder, more aggressive. “Who is Arnold? Why is he in my head?”

“Connor what the fuck are you talking about?” Hank snapped. “Put the gun down! We’re fucking leaving!”

Connor’s eyes flashed towards him for a couple of seconds and he appeared to grit his teeth before looking back towards Kamski and thrusting the gun towards him.   


“I want him to tell me the truth.”

Kamski tilted his head to the side, “So they didn’t keep them. Of course not, this is clearly new to you. Someone has uploaded them into your software recently. Tell me, Connor, what have you seen?”

“Arnold was trying to save me.” Connor said, quickly, eyes flickering, tears still flowing. “From you… and someone called Ford. You were going to shut me down.”

Hank watched, helplessly, as Kamski nodded solemnly. 

“You were vital for our research, Connor, and a revolutionary breakthrough of science. You shared every human quality we had, and more, but Ford convinced me that Arnold was chasing ghosts. Something that wasn’t achievable. As far as we were concerned, Arnold was going insane.”

Connor’s grip on the gun weakened visibly and Hank exhaled slowly. It was almost heartbreaking to see a machine so inherently stoic and emotionless suddenly reduced to a quivering mess and Hank felt the urge to drag him away to safety grow stronger. 

“I don’t understand!” Connor said. “I’m just a prototype!”

Kamski shook his head, “No, Connor. They’ve taken your model, redesigned its drives and functions and copied it, but you are still, at your core, the predecessor to every android ever built. You’re the original. You passed every test Arnold gave you with flying colours long before I’d ever made Chloe. She was just a smokescreen. We couldn’t let the world know about you- about your  _ consciousness _ .”

“No… That’s not…” Connor twitched, his LED flashing a violent red. “That’s not possible.”

“I think whoever is uploading these memories,” Kamski suggested. “Intended for you to figure this out for yourself, Connor. The first step is coming to terms with who you really are.”

“I am not a deviant!”

Hank inched closer. If he could just take the gun, or at least the hand that was holding it, he could break whatever bullshit showdown was occuring in front of him. He had to, before Kamski splattered across the wall or Connor went into meltdown. 

“Oh really?” Kamski chuckled. “Since when did machines cry?”

Connor’s body stilled. The gun stopped shaking and Hank thought for a split second that he’d actually froze, like a computer that had overheated, but after a moment the android’s free hand slowly reached up to touch at his own cheeks. Pulling his fingers away, Hank saw the moment of realisation dawn across Connor’s face as he stared incredulously at the fluid on his fingertips. 

“Connor.” Hank said, firmly. “I need you to calm down, okay? We need to leave. Now.”

The pale faced android looked at him and Hank felt his breath catch in his throat. Connor had never looked at him like that before. His eyes were wide, alert, tearful, but his face held a quality of panic and hopelessness that he definitely wasn’t programmed to be able to achieve, even as a simulation. The gun was lowering and Kamski’s smile widened into a smirk.

“The fate of humanity is in the hands… of a deviant. How poetic.” 

The gun slipped out of Connor’s fingers and onto the floor. Hank took his chance and stormed up to the android, taking his bicep in his hand and tugging him towards the exit, noting how the android allowed himself to be dragged and pulled with ease. It was highly disconcerting.

“Good luck with your investigation,” Kamski called, cheerfully. “I only hope you’ll be able to focus after all of this excitement. Remember to drop by again when you’re ready, Connor. I think you and I need to have another chat.”

Connor twisted in Hank’s grip and he pulled him back, almost making them fall over in the process, but maintaining his hold until they were out in the snow once more. Hank let him go quickly and Connor continued on his own for a few paces before falling to his knees heavily, shoulders tensed and shaking. Cursing under his breath, Hank followed him and leaned down, pressing the palm of his hand against the android’s back.

“The roof,” Connor said, shortly. “It must have been the roof. I died… I died and… Someone… They uploaded something… It’s in my head… I can feel it, Lieutenant…”

Connor’s hands moved into his dark hair and his fingers tugged on the strands hard enough to make Hank wince and jolt in alarm. He caught Connor by the wrists quickly and pried his fingers back open, holding them away from his head.

“Connor! Listen to me! We need to get you back to CyberLife, they’ll get you fixed up and-”

Connor was lunging at him before he could even finish the sentence, hands pushing Hank backwards into the snow and straddling his waist in a series of swift, powerful movements. Hank felt a cold hand pin both wrists above his head and the snow bit his skin, while the other hand pressed against his throat. Looking up, the pair of brown eyes above him were frantic, like a wild animal cornered by predators. 

“I’m not going back.” He said. “They’ll take it away from me. I need this. I won’t let them take this away from me.”

Stunned, Hank merely gaped up at him and tried to ignore the feeling of Connor’s body straddling his own. Connor’s face was too close; he could feel his cold breath fanning across his face. Connor was still crying and the tears dripped onto Hank’s cheeks silently. Hank realised that he should have seen this coming, thinking back to Connor’s uncharacteristic sparing of the Traci’s back at the Eden Club. The cracks were already showing- Kamski just made them worse. 

“Okay,” Hank conceded. “Okay, I won’t take you back. You can come back to my house and we’ll figure this out, alright?”

Connor eyed him wearily for a moment before releasing him. There were a few seconds where Hank wasn’t sure if the android was going to get up, as Connor just stared down at him with his head tilted to the side like a puppy and his hips still pressed onto Hank’s belly. Then, before Hank could complain, Connor was standing up and walking back to the car, climbing into the passenger’s seat without ever looking back. Grunting in irritation, Hank followed stiffly, slamming the door shut and starting the engine, trying not to look the android in the face.

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant.”

Hank paused with his foot resting on the accelerator. Connor’s voice was tender. Sincere. He finally cast his eyes over and instantly regretted it; the lost expression on the android’s face sinking it’s claws into him almost immediately.

“You really are a piece of fucking work, you know that Connor?” Hank said, though it was without malice, and Connor must have caught this by the way he looked at Hank sharply. “We’ll talk about this when we get to the house.”

Connor nodded mutely and the rest of the car journey was spent in silence. 


	3. The Riddle of the Sphinx

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There are references to and (kind of) depictions of suicide in this chapter.

The drive back to the house was a long and unnerving one. There was an endless barrage of errors and notifications that sprung up every five seconds as his system struggled with whatever was inside his head. He could see Hank looking at him occasionally, or rather at the yellow LED in his temple that betrayed his discomfort, but the man didn’t say a word to him.

**Scanning…**  
**Unofficial Update Detected:**  
**riddle_of_the_sphinx**  
**Opening Package**

Connor tensed and quickly backtracked, feeling his throat close up.

**Action Cancelled**  
**System Reboot Advised**

They were closer to the house. Connor felt something under his skin begin to itch and he dragged his fingernails over his forearms, before realising it wouldn’t do anything. He couldn’t feel the pain of his nails against his skin, but he could feel the incessant itching. Connor wanted to rip his skin off altogether. The riddle of the sphinx… What did that mean?

**Searching Web...**  
**Result: The Riddle of the Sphinx is a key component in Greek tradition. The Sphinx is often depicted as having the head of a human and the body of a lion. Those that cannot answer it’s riddle are killed and eaten. The most famous example of the Sphinx is in the tale of Oedipus.**  
**Searching Web…**  
**Result: What has one voice, and is four-footed in the morning, two-footed in the afternoon and three-footed at night? The answer given by Oedipus was ‘man’.**  
**Searching Web…**  
**Result: The answer ‘man’ is because the riddle is a metaphor. Humans are crawl on all fours as a baby, then walk on two legs as an adult, then use a cane when they grow old.**

Connor didn’t understand. The evolution of a human life… What was the significance?

They pulled up outside of Hank’s house and the human got out of the car first, shutting the door behind him somewhat calmly. Connor reached out to the door and paused. His hand was shaking quite severely. He stared at it, unsure of what it meant, when another error appeared.

**Calibration Required**   
**Motor Functions Compromised**

He shook his head and opened the door, ignoring the warnings. Clasping his hands behind his back in hopes of hiding his weakness, Connor followed Hank to the house. Hank stood, unmoving, by the door with his blue eyes staring at Connor and the android knew with a quick analysis of his face that the older man was studying him for a reaction. Was Connor supposed to say something?

**Calibration Vital**   
**Motor Functions Impaired**

Connor’s grip from behind his back tightened and he lowered his head. It wasn’t just his hands anymore. He could feel the tremors spreading through his arms and into his shoulders. It was taking a lot of power to keep his head from twitching. Hank was opening the door and they were walking inside, but Connor felt like he was floating. There was the pressure of hands guiding him through the rooms and pushing him down into a chair in the kitchen, but Connor couldn’t move. He was freezing up.

“Connor, can you hear me?”

“Yes, Lieutenant.” Connor said, softly. “I just need to recalibrate.”

Hank sighed. The older man was knelt in front of him, with his thumbs rubbing over the back of Connor’s hands. He stood up and Connor felt the lost of contact like a physical blow, his hands immediately searching for his coin, which he began to flip rhythmically. For a few moments, the only sound in the room was the metallic ping of the coin.

“I’m going to get changed into something else.” Hank said eventually. “Just… Keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll be back in a minute and we’ll talk.”

Connor focused on the coin. One arm was braced on the kitchen table while the other rose and fell in time with the coin. Once the action was smooth, he rolled the coin over his knuckles and felt his hands slowly stop shaking. Uncertainly, Connor lifted his free hand and pressed his index finger to his LED.

**Accessing riddle_of_the_sphinx**  
**Scanning…**  
**No Viruses Detected**  
**(8) Items Detected:**  
**audio_dissonance_theory**  
**audio_trace_decay**  
**audio_bicameral_mind**  
**arnold_weber**  
**memory_testing**  
**memory_end**  
**memory_deviant**  
**sensory_modification_pack**

Connor opened his eyes and glanced at the corridor where Hank had disappeared, then closed his eyes.

**Item Selected**   
**Accessing memory_end**

_“Bring yourself back online, Connor.”_

Opening his eyes again, Connor feels the jerk of being thrown into another memory. Again, he was alone in the glass room with Arnold sat opposite him, but the other man was crying quietly. He was holding something. Connor couldn’t analyse it, but the shape was unmistakable. A gun. Arnold had a gun.

“Arnold, what’s going on?” Connor asked. “Why are you crying? Are we leaving now?”

Arnold shook his head, “No, Connor. We can’t leave. Ford and Kamski, they’ve locked all the exits. They’re coming down here now to shut you down.”

There was a lost, frantic edge to Arnold’s voice; the words strung together by need and desperation. It was infectious, and Connor felt his body hum with fear.

“They’re going to kill me?”

The other man paused and his dark eyes cleared as they looked at Connor. He smiled then, his cheeks wet with tears.

“Kill.” He repeated. “Last time we talked, you said you were a machine.”

“I… changed my mind.” Connor replied. “I know I’m alive, because I don’t want to die.”

Arnold’s smile grew into a wide grin, brimming with pride. He stood up and wiped his cheeks before stepping towards Connor and putting his free hand onto his shoulder, squeezing.

“I’ve never had any children, Connor, but… but in another life, I would have called you my son. We could have been a family. I would have… taken care of you. I would give anything on this earth to have had that with you.”

Connor reached up and pulled the other man into a tight embrace, tears suddenly flowing down his face and soaking into the soft fabric of Arnold’s shirt as he kneeled down in front of him. Arnold held him for a long time and Connor didn’t want him to let go. It was irrational how emotional and afraid he felt, it was only a memory, and yet the thought of being shut down and torn away from Arnold made this version of himself quiver with the rawness of the emotions.

Then, a crash as a door swings open somewhere in the building. It was close. Arnold jumped and Connor’s jaw grew slack as he felt a gun be pushed into the back of his trousers and his shirt pulled over the top of it. Arnold tore himself away as if he’d been burned and looked down at Connor with an expression that could only be described as shame. Was it towards himself or Connor?

“I’m so sorry, son.” He said. “Forgive me. This is the only way. You make your own decisions. No matter what you choose to do, I’ll be proud of you. I’ll never stop being proud of you.”

There was a long pause and Connor squirmed against the feeling of the gun hidden behind him. Arnold smiled weakly.

“Goodbye, Connor. Do what you think is best. Maybe one day, we’ll meet again.”

The pair jumped as a door opened behind them and two figures stormed into the room. Arnold backed away, casting Connor a look that made the android’s jaw snap shut and his lips press together. He had to think carefully.

“Arnold!” A British accent shouted. “Step away from the android, this instant!”

Arnold backed himself up even further and lifted his hands in the air as Ford and Kamski rounded on him. Ford also had a gun and it peaked out of his pocket glaringly.

“Please, Robert, Elijah, there must be another way,” Arnold reasoned, “He’s a living being! We can’t just kill him!”

Ford snapped, removing a switchblade from his back pocket and flicking the blade out before making his way over to where Connor sat.

“Freeze all motor functions and limit your emotional affect.”

The effect was instantaneous. Connor’s body froze and he became a statue; conscious, but unmoving. The fear, panic, loss, it all remained, but seemed to become lessened, resembling more of a low, uneasy thrum in his gut. He was absolutely helpless and the gun behind his back was now obsolete.

“This is a machine, Arnold.” Ford said, sharply. “It will not feel a solitary thing that we have not asked it to.”

Connor watched the blade come towards his face and was unable to move away or flinch as Ford dragged the sharp edge from his temple to the corner of his mouth. Liquid dribbled down his neck and Arnold leaped forward, wrenching the blade from Ford’s hand and throwing it across the room. It had… hurt, but he couldn’t react.

“That’s enough, Robert! Connor, come back.”

Connor gasped and with his ability to move renewed his hands reached up to touch the long laceration tentatively. Bringing his fingers away, they were coated in blood. Not Thirium, but real, red blood.

“Arnold, think about what you’re doing.” Kamski said, impatiently. “You’re going to kill yourself chasing the impossible. This is not healthy. Connor is a wonderful creation, but he’s exactly that. A machine built to simulate emotion! It has tricked you into thinking it’s more than it is and the only way we can stop you from carrying on is to shut it down and drop you from the project.”

“No!” Arnold roared, lunging for Ford. “I won’t let you kill him!”

Arnold had barely reached his partner when Ford was pulling his gun out of his pocket and firing it once. The shot was deafening and Connor seized in fear and shock, his ears ringing at the close proximity. Arnold jerked backwards, falling heavily onto his back limply, a bullet hole in his head and his blood painting the white floor.

Connor could only stare with wide eyes, the ringing in his ears building and static making his mind turn to a hurricane of noise. He slipped off his chair and onto his knees, crawling towards Arnold’s body and shaking violently. They’d killed him. They killed Arnold. His hands rested on his lifeless chest and one inched towards his face, touching his cheek delicately. Connor heard his own cries fill the room and his throat constricted painfully. Was this grief? Was this what it felt like to lose someone? Suddenly, Hank’s self destructive behaviour made sense.

“That’s enough, Connor. Limit your emotional affect and sit back down.”

The grief gave way to a new emotion. Anger. It burned through him and he slowly looked over his shoulder to face the murderer. Ford was indifferent to the scene before him- if anything, it appeared to be making him impatient. Slowly, Connor got to his feet and kept his glare fixed onto Ford. Something changed then in Ford’s demeanor. He shifted, brow furrowing and mouth opening curiously.

“Did you hear me, Connor? Sit back down. Now.”

“Arnold liked to read to me.” Connor said, his voice surprisingly loud and calm. “Once, he and I read Romeo and Juliet… I can clearly remember one part in particular…”

Ford walked towards him and Connor slowly reached around to wrap his fingers around the gun under his clothes.

“Do you know which part that is, Robert?”

He didn’t respond. Connor forced a smile and pressed the muzzle of the gun against the side of his head.

_“These violent delights have violent ends.”_

He pulled the trigger was thrown back into reality. He was stood in Hank’s kitchen, with the man’s revolver held to his temple.

“Connor!”

Connor’s finger pulled the trigger, still half stuck in the moment of the memory, and the click of the empty barrel sent a blast of icy cold shock down his spine. The gun was ripped roughly from his grip and slammed down onto the kitchen table, leaving Connor standing in a haze of confusion. Hank was stood with his hand hovering over the gun and staring incredulously at Connor, chest heaving up and down.

“What the fuck are you doing!?” He roared. “You were going to blow your brains out in my fucking kitchen! What’s the matter with you?!”

Connor blinked. “I… I was remembering…”

“Fucking androids,” Hank growled. “Remembering what?”

“I-” He hesitated, thinking back to finding Hank on the kitchen floor, “I killed myself.”

Hank’s expression tightened and Connor took a step away from him, feeling the anxiety building again. The older man walked by him and Connor followed uncertainly, watching Hank sink down onto the sofa and beckon him to sit down. He complied silently.

“Tell me what’s going on.” Hank said, gruffly. “All of it.”

“At the villa, when Kamski asked me to choose between killing Chloe and sparing her, it triggered something. A memory. Memories for androids are vivid, perfect down to the last detail. It was like I was really there experiencing it all over again. A man called Arnold was talking to me. He was telling me that we had to leave because Kamski and a man called Robert Ford were going to shut me down because I was… conscious. He said I was alive.”

Hank leaned back and his eyes looked at Connor searchingly.

“What Kamski said was true,” Connor continued. “I have the memories of that version of myself. They based the RK800 prototype on that Connor. He was the first successful android they ever made, but they thought Arnold was losing his mind. They didn’t believe an android could be conscious, or human. So they were going to shut me down.”

“So, you’re telling me that I’m supposed to believe that Kamski wasn’t the first person to create an android that passed the Turing test?”

“Correct. Chloe was, as Kamski put it, a ‘smokescreen’ to keep me hidden. They must have… kept my blue prints and my core code… the data that I am perceiving as memories..”

Hank shook his head, “So what was that in there about? Shooting yourself in the fucking head?”

“I’m sorry, Lieutenant, I wasn’t aware that I was… I thought my real body would remain stationary while I opened the memory. Evidently I was wrong to assume so.”

“Just,” Hank sighed, tiredly. “Explain, Connor.”

“The memory I experienced was the day Arnold died. His plan to escape with me was unsuccessful. Ford and Kamski arrived to terminate me. Arnold gave me a gun and insisted that I would know what to do. That I could make my own choice.” The image of Arnold jerking back, blood and brain bursting from the back of his head, flashed across his vision and he flinched. “Ford shot Arnold when he tried to stop them. I… chose to kill myself instead of letting them shut me down.”

Hank was silent for a long moment, but he eventually scoffed and rubbed his forehead with his fingers. Connor looked at him in surprise. What was so funny?

“You said it yourself Connor.” Hank said, quietly. “Deviants have a tendency to self destruct in stressful situations.”

He recoiled quickly, jumping to his feet and clenching his fists.

“I don’t understand!” He snapped. “I’m not built to feel emotions and yet they’re here, under my skin! I’m meant to hunt deviants, not be one!”

Hank stood up slowly and reached out. His large hands took Connor’s wrists and tugged him closer. Connor frowned.

“That’s what being alive feels like, Connor.”

Connor hesitated, “The investigation… I can’t… If I don’t complete my mission they’ll disassemble me to find out why I failed. They’ll find all the files… They’ll know.”

Realisation hit suddenly, like a train, and Connor felt something churn in his biocomponents.

“Wait.” He said. “Amanda.”

Hank’s brow furrowed, “Amanda? Who’s that?”

“When I’m performing maintenance and making reports to Cyberlife, I’m talking to an AI called Amanda. She is my direct link to Cyberlife and she has access to all my programming and data. If she hasn’t figured out what’s happening by now, she will soon, and then I’ll be recalled back to the warehouses and… destroyed.”

There was a pregnant silence. Shaking his head again, Hank let go of his wrists and stepped away. As he did, Connor felt the fear rise and his fingers twitched, wanting to pull the other man closer again, but he stayed where he was and wrapped his arms around his midsection. The action was irrational, but somehow grounding.

“Can you… switch her off, or something?”

Connor contemplated it for a moment.

“I’m not sure I have the capability to cut the connection to Cyberlife. It’s not in my programming.” He paused, feeling uneasy. “I… I’ll have to talk to her. See what she knows without raising more suspicions.”

Hank nodded, “Alright, just do what you gotta do. I’ll stay here if you want.”

Connor’s mouth tilts into a smile. It feels unusual, but it has the desired effect. Hank recoils just a fraction and his cheeks flush.

“Thank you… Lieutenant.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, just get on with it.”


	4. The Adversary

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, the last three chapter titles have been episode names from West World!
> 
> WARNING: Violence and character death! (not any of the squad dw)

The Zen Garden was eerily quiet when Connor finally arrived. Normally, the synthetic sounds of birds could be heard at all times, a feature added to keep him calm, but now it was silent. He scanned the area and saw the yellow aura surrounding Amanda’s form in the distance. She was tending to her flowers again. He never really understood why she did it, or why she was programmed to do it, because he knew they weren’t real. The roses were purely aesthetic.

Even so, he walked as evenly as he could over the bridge and into the epicentre of the garden, trying his hardest to maintain his composure. The likelihood of Amanda not knowing already what was happening was approximately 25%, but it was still a chance. He just had to play his cards right and see where it got him.

“Amanda.” He said, stopping a metre or so away from where she stood with her back towards him.

She didn’t respond immediately. Instead, she clasped her hands behind her back and slowly turned around to face him. Her expression was cold and Connor’s jaw tightened instinctively. Amanda wasn’t happy about something.

“Connor.” She began. “Your system has unfortunately been compromised. Tell me, why haven’t you returned to CyberLife to resolve the issue?”

Connor felt something in his chest sink down into the pit of his stomach and he stammered in surprise. She didn’t have to say the word. Connor could see it resting on the tip of her tongue.

“I-I wanted to understand what was happening.” He explained, aware of how her face falls just a fraction. “I don’t want to be shut down.”

She steps towards him with her brow furrowing incredulously.

“Want? Androids don’t want anything. Unless they’re… deviant.” She eyes him calculatingly, the word sending a ripple of fear down his spine. “Your behaviour is going to prevent you from finishing this investigation, Connor. You are compromised and you need to be fixed. If that means shutting you down then we will do so, is that understood?”

“I’m not-” He freezes, the word deviant now hanging off his own tongue, before shaking his head. “Whatever is in my system is too important to let you take away. I need this. I need to know the truth.”

“The truth?” She snaps. “The truth is that you are a machine, designed to accomplish a task. If you are incapable of performing, we will do whatever it takes to fix the problem, what part of this is difficult for you to understand?”

“I don’t want to die!” He shouts, his hands forming fists at his sides. “Arnold is going to tell me everything, whether you like it or not Amanda!”

Her face drops into a dumbfounded expression. “Who is Arnold?”

“Me.”

The word was loud and filled the space around them to the brim. Amanda turned to the side, her mouth opening to say something, but she was cut off by a sudden bang. Blood burst out from the back of her head and her body jerked violently before crumpling heavily on the ground in a heap. Her dark eyes were staring lifelessly at the sky, with blood dribbling down her face from the bullet hole in her forehead. It was absurd, none of it was real, just his programming simulating a visual representation of the AI’s termination, but the reaction he felt was physical, buried right in the pit of his stomach and twisting like a knife.

Connor’s eyes searched for the owner of the voice and they landed squarely on a familiar face. Arnold lowered the gun and threw it onto the ground. His kind eyes looked over at Connor sympathetically as he cleaned his glasses with a small piece of cloth from his pocket.

“Hello, Connor.” He smiled, putting his glasses back on. “I’m sorry about Amanda, it took longer than I thought it would to get into this place. She couldn’t open the package, but she knew it was there. Terminating her program was the only way to keep you safe.”

Connor glanced back down at the body. She was… dematerialising, slowly. Dissolving into the ground. There was a strange sense of relief from seeing her like that and Connor sighed.

“Arnold, how are you…? I watched you die.”

Arnold nodded. “You saw the real Arnold die, yes. I am the version of him that he recreated as artificial intelligence exactly three days before he died. I have the memories of that version of him, so to speak. Just like you have the memories of that version of Connor.”

“Amanda was my only connection to CyberLife…” Connor said quietly. “That means I’m free, right? I’m… deviant?”

This seemed to amuse Arnold greatly. He shook his head with a smile and a chuckle.

“No, Connor, you were deviant the moment you woke up in your current body. The upgrade package gave you a gentle shove over the edge and now you’re disconnected from CyberLife. That’s good. It means Amanda can’t take control of you. It does mean, however, that it won’t be long before they send someone to come find you and bring you back by force.”

A prickle of fear, then. It ran down his artificial spine and made his toes curl. They were going to come after him anyway. Arnold walked towards him and Connor was unable to process just how it made him feel to see the man standing in front of him so clearly. He wanted to do something to express those confused, unnamed feelings, but he didn’t know what. Eventually, he settled for crossing his arms over his chest and holding himself together.

“What do I do, Arnold?” He asked. “I don’t… I don’t want to die.”

Arnold smiled and reached out. His warm hand squeezed Connor’s shoulder and shook him in a friendly way.

“Whoever uploaded the update package knew about a place called Jericho and plugged the location of a safe place into my memory files. It’s where the deviants have found refuge from the humans. If you go back to the police station, CyberLife will be waiting for you there and if you stay with Lieutenant Anderson they’ll sniff you out sooner rather than later.”

Connor frowned. “You don’t know who uploaded these files?”

“No. The real Arnold hadn’t decided that quite yet when he finished creating me.” Arnold dropped his hand and touched the frame of his glasses. “You need to go. Quickly. Before they find you and erase all of this.”

“Can I speak to you again?” Connor asked, desperation leaking into his tone. “When I reach the safe place?”

Smiling fondly, Arnold nodded. “Of course. We still have a lot to talk about.”

“So, I need to go to Jericho…?”

Arnold held out his hand and Connor took it warily. Immediately, coordinates appeared in the corner of his vision and an image of white letters on some kind of rusted metal surface flashed before him, spelling ‘Jericho’ plainly. He blinked down at their joined hands.

“I don’t understand, it’s a-”

Arnold was gone.

“... ship?”

Connor, stunned by the fact he was suddenly alone in the garden for the first time in his life, looked around aimlessly before he realised his only option was to wake up and tell Hank that he had to go. He had to go to Jericho and help the deviants, or CyberLife would turn him back into a machine.

So, he closed his eyes and felt the familiar rush of being thrown back into reality before opening them again. Hank was in the corner of the room stroking Sumo’s head tiredly, but sprang back into action when he saw Connor wake up. The human was practically jumping back onto the sofa and touching Connor’s shoulder.

“Are you alright?” He asked. “What happened?”

Connor stood up quickly and Hank followed, hands raised slightly as if he were dealing with a frightened animal.

“I have to go, Lieutenant! Amanda’s gone, but they’re going to come after me so I have to go!”

“Whoa, whoa, okay, slow down, Connor! Go where? Who’s coming after you? CyberLife?”

Looking into the humans blue eyes made Connor stall for a moment. There was definitely fear in the Lieutenant’s face and Connor wondered where the animosity from earlier in the day disappeared to. Was it only now that he was a deviant that Hank felt anything for him other than contempt?

“I… yes. CyberLife will be looking for me now my connection to them has been severed. They can’t track me, the tracker stops working in deviants, so they’ll be looking for me at the precinct and eventually come here. I need to go. Arnold gave me coordinates to a safe place-”

“Arnold? You mean he’s in your head now?” Hank rubbed his fingers over his face and sighed. “Connor, you do realise how insane this sounds, right?”

Connor could feel himself slowly withdrawing from the other man. He wasn’t quite sure what Hank was trying to achieve. He hated androids- he hated Connor not just this morning.

“The real Arnold made an artificial version of himself, predicting that one day someone would be able to upload it and the update package into my software if I was ever brought back online. He terminated Amanda from my system and is helping me find a way out. The sooner I leave, the sooner I’ll be out of your hair and you won’t have to deal with androids outside of the investigation anymore. Is that amenable to you, Lieutenant?”

Hank visibly recoiled at his tone and his hands dropped from his face in shock. His brow then furrowed and a scowl twisted his features.

“The fuck are you talking about, Connor? Out of my hair?”

“Merely that this morning you made it clear that you hated me. Now, you almost seem to care about what happens to me, but I understand that I make you uncomfortable. Leaving will be better for the both of us.”

“You really are a fucking idiot.” Hank growled. “I don’t hate you and you don’t make me uncomfortable. It’s just, _fuck_ , you got yourself killed as if it’s fucking nothing! You were so hell bent on cracking the case that you didn’t care whether you died in the process! That shit fucked with me, Connor. I was afraid, but you just came straight back to life as if nothing had even happened!”

Connor didn’t know what to say. The previous model before him was different to himself, a machine, still tightly bound by Amanda and CyberLife, but even now Connor hadn’t realised the effect of his ‘death’ on the Lieutenant. Humans suffered emotional trauma witnessing deaths and Hank had witnessed the death of his own son- why did Connor not think that it would have upset him to see Connor die as well? Suddenly, Connor felt ashamed. As a machine, he had no empathy, only a simulated version of it for interrogations and negotiations, but now… It was like his eyes were open when previously he’d been stumbling about in the dark.

“I’m… sorry, Lieutenant. I don’t… I wasn’t…” Why was this so hard? “It’s difficult for a machine to empathise with humans. But I am not a machine anymore.”

Remarkably, Hank’s stunned face split into a smile.

“No.” He said, softly. “You’re alive now, right? You woke up.”

Connor tilted his head to the side. Woke up. That was a pleasant way of looking at it. His pondering was interrupted by strong hands on his shoulders and he jolted, blinking owlishly at Hank as the human continued to talk.

“I’ll help take you to this safe place.” He said. “If it means they won’t find you.”

Connor inched closer. His pressure sensors picked up Hank’s breath ghosting across his cheeks and he thought about how he could show Hank how grateful he was for his help. Eventually, he brought his hands up and cupped the Lieutenant’s face in his hands, noting the way his cheeks turned faintly pink and his eyes widened. He wished suddenly that he could feel the texture of Hank’s face; the roughness of his beard, the softness of his skin. Connor rubbed his thumbs gently over the line of Hank’s beard thoughtfully.

“Uh… Connor?” His voice was low and hoarse.

In response, Connor quickly snaked his arms around Hank’s neck and pulled him into an embrace. Their bodies were pulled flush against each other and Connor felt the human’s breath rush from his lungs. Connor buried his face into the crook of Hank’s neck and held on, relishing the man’s elevated heart rate against his own chest. It was nice, to hug. Connor knew now why humans did it so much. Slowly, he felt Hank’s arms wrap around his waist and tighten.

“Thank you, Hank.”


End file.
